Haydens recent mission pictures...

Haydens first baptism with his new companion. He said it was awesome.
They have another investigator that is ready to be baptised.



Hayden says there are all kinds of stray dogs just roaming around on the streets there. He says it's really sad.



Some cigarettes Hayden and his companion asked an investigator to give up and he gave them to them on the spot.



Hayden with his new mission companion in Argentina


This is Hayden in the MTC pointing out where his mission is

The rollercoaster called life...

Life these days can pretty much be summed up by calling it a roller coaster ride. Sometimes I feel I am like the daisy that I used to pick in my moms yard and play the game, "he loves me, he loves me not." Thats kind of how I feel right now.
As I travel through these days of my life, I sometimes feel like I am putting slowly, getting up that hill to get to the top. I get to the top and can see for miles and everything is so clear to me, then get ready, hold your breath because it's time to take a serious nose dive. You never know how long that drop is going to be so you hold your breath just hoping to get to the bottom before you have to let your breath go because you are not sure you are able to take another one. Finally you make it to the bottom of the hill and are in the valley. You can breathe again, but are not able to enjoy the scenery for too long when you are on to that next mountain.
As I have often said, my father taught us all our lives that you can't have faith and fear at the same time. You can't have faith that something is going to work out, and also have fear that it isn't. To me that's alot like that rollercoaster ride. You can't have faith that Heavenly father is going to see you to the top of that mountain without seeing you all the way through. Having fear after you get to the top and know that you have a long ride back to the bottom just doesn't work.
Last night while reading scriptures I found 1 Nephi 7:12. Yea, and how is it that ye have forgotten that the Lord is able to do all things according to his will, for the children of men, if it so be that they exercise faith in him? Wherefore, let us be faithful to him.
I know that pretty much sums it up. We can't have both faith and fear, yet it is so easy to let that fear creep back into our lives when we are ready to take that almighty plunge downward and feel that sometimes that journey may be more than we can bare.
So today I am focusing on having more faith. Faith in the rollercoaster, faith in the journey, and faith in myself.

Every day is a gift...

I don't know why, but this year I have slowed down a bit. I am taking time to literally smell the roses as it were. I still don't love to weed the garden or the flower beds much, but am taking the time to do it and enjoy the gifts that I have been given.
I found the love of the mourning dove many years ago. I love to listen to their soft cooing sounds they make while sitting atop my neighbors house. Every evening at about the same time, it comes and perchs there to sing, almost as if god himself placed it there for me to sit in my back yard and relax even if for just a moment and listen to it.
I have enjoyed my garden more this year, lovingly checking on it's progress each new day. It amazes me how much things can grow in just a 24 hour period.
I have enjoyed watching for the evening sunsets and smell the freshly cut lawns around me as the night air cools me from my sweaty daily work.
I have fun sitting on my swing as Lucy tries her best to see how many times she can roll her ball to me to throw for her until I become bored of it. Summer has finally arrived and I don't want to miss a minute of it.

Much ado about everything...

So much has happened over the past several weeks to a couple months. Megan moved down to texas to sell alarm systems with her boyfriends business, Hayden left for his mission, Dexter and I became seperated and he moved in with Skyler and Veronica, Braxton broke his elbow, school got out for the summer leaving me with the final high school graduation I will go to for my own children. As for now, last night Taylor flew out to Texas with Megan to sell alarms, today Hayden flies from the MTC to Argentina, and Dexter and I are going to see if we can get some help and hopefully recover our marriage. So much in such a short period of time. Some of it has been the most rewarding things I have ever done, while some of it the most devastating.
I owe so much to my family and especially my Heavenly Father that I am still motivated to get out of bed each day and try to find the positive in such a negative world. Everyone has been so kind with words of wisdom and some just a shoulder to cry on for a few minutes. How do you say that you have lost so much, yet gained so much all at the same time. I have never prayed so hard, and fasted so hard in my whole life as to help find answers to very difficult questions that I have. I want to thank everyone for all the love and support but please don 't stop praying. I will take all the prayers I can get.

Time...

As the days turn into weeks and the weeks into nearly a month now, I have learned and grown so much. I have to be grateful for all the blessings that my father in heaven has bestowed upon me. I feel him so close to me right now and know that my prayers are being heard and answered.
I have felt the sting and pain from all the great memories I have had with my husband, and from the loss of not being able to make more but ultimately life has to move on and I have to grow from all the trials that I am feeling right now.
I had been told to listen to this song by Sara Evans called a little bit stronger. It gave me so much solace and peace hearing it and meant so much to me because it was exactly how i was feeling. I am putting the lyrics below almost as if I had written them myself.


Little Bit Stronger lyrics
Songwriters: Barker Aaron Gayle; Harbin Ronald Steven;



Woke up late today and I still feel the sting of the pain
But I brushed my teeth anyway
I got dressed through the mess and put a smile on my face
I got a little bit stronger

Riding in the car to work and I'm trying to ignore the hurt
So I turned on the radio, stupid song made me think of you
I listened to it for minute but I changed it
I'm getting a little bit stronger, just a little bit stronger

And I'm done hoping that we could work it out
I'm done with how it feels, spinning my wheels
Letting you drag my heart around
And, oh, I'm done thinking that you could ever change

I know my heart will never be the same
But I'm telling myself I'll be okay
Even on my weakest days
I get a little bit stronger

Doesn't happen overnight but you turn around
And a month's gone by and you realize you haven't cried
I'm not giving you a hour or a second or another minute longer
I'm busy getting stronger

And I'm done hoping that we can work it out
I'm done with how it feels, spinning my wheels
Letting you drag my heart around
And, oh, I'm done thinking, that you could ever change

I know my heart will never be the same
But I'm telling myself I'll be okay
Even on my weakest days, I get a little bit stronger
I get a little bit stronger

Getting along without you, baby
I'm better off without you, baby
How does it feel without me, baby?
I'm getting stronger without you, baby

And I'm done hoping we could work it out
I'm done with how it feels, spinning my wheels
Letting you drag my heart around
And, oh, I'm done thinking that you could ever change

I know my heart will never be the same
But I'm telling myself I'll be okay
Even on my weakest days
I get a little bit stronger

I get a little bit stronger
Just a little bit stronger
A little bit, a little bit, a little bit stronger
I get a little bit stronger

Besides all the fasting and prayer that I have done in the past 3 weeks, I have read and read and re-read my pat. blessing. What a blessing that is to me in my life. I can't imagine people that don't have that to look at and know that they still have so much left in life to do and know all the blessings that are apt to come their way if they are but faithful servants of the Lord.
I am so grateful to have such wonderful family members and neighbors that are always watching out for me and making sure that my needs are met. I am also so grateful for my brother who is my bishop that can help me through this painful difficult process, he is such a blessing to me. I am also so grateful for the opportunity that I have to have a son on a mission. I know that I am recieving so many blessings from that alone.
I literally feel my saviors arms around me holding me and uplifting me when I am sobbing uncontrollably wondering why I have to go through this and if life is even worth it anymore. I have cried what feels like an ocean of tears and been through every emotion there is and even though I am not particularly grateful for this trial, I am grateful that I am growing and becoming closer to everything that is good in the world and in heaven as well.
Like the way I started out with time, time heals all wounds and will heal my broken heart too someday.

Benefits of the Struggle...

I found this poem that I have had for awhile and found it very appropriate for the struggle that my family is going throuth right at this moment.

Benefits of the Struggle...
A man found a cacoon of a butterfly.
One day a small opening appeared.
He sat and watched t he butterfly for several hours
As it struggled to force its body through that little hole.
Then it seemed to stop making any progress.
It appeared as if it had gotten as far as it could and it cvould go no further.
Then the man decided to help the butterfly,
So he took a pair of scissors and snipped off the remaining bit of the cacoon.
The butterfly then emerged easily.
But it had a swollen body and small, shriveled wings.
The man continued to watch the butterfly because he expected that,
at any moment, the wings would enlarge and expand and be able to
support the body,w hich would contract in time.
Neither happened! In fact, the butterfly spent the rest of it's life
crawling around with a swollen body and shriveled wings.
It was never able to fly.
What the an in his kindness and haste did not understand was
that therestricting cacoon and the struggle required for the butterfly
to get through the tiny opening were God's way of forcing fluid
from the body of the butterfly into it's wings so that it would be ready for
flight once it achieved it's freedom from the cacoon.
Sometimes struggles are exactly what we need in our life.
If God allowed us to go through life without any obstacles,
it would cripple us.
We would not be as strong as what we could have been.
And we could never fly.

I have found this exact theory to be so true about life.
When I was younger, we used to have to go take care of the baby turkeys after
they had hatched with shots and the like.
There were always a few slow pokes that took alot longer than the rest to get
out of their eggs but eventually caught up.
There were some on the other hand who would barely pick a hole in their eggs and you could see them inside the egg struggling and in my mind suffering.
I asked my dad if I could help the turkeys out of their eggs. My father in all of his wisdom and now I know trying to teach me a life lesson, which I didn't understand at the time but surely do now, said that I could help them out.
I would carefully break open the egg at the point of the cracks and help that little soggy wet bird out to it's impending freedom from what seemed like impending death. After awhile under the heat lamp to dry them and get them up and moving, I went back to check on these little babies that I so painstakingly took care of and ultimately, most of them were dead.
My father tried to explaint to my young mind that these birds needed to have the struggle, such the same as the poem, to break out of their shell themselves so that they would have enough of what it took to live. The wisdom of a father is always so necessary, even if it is not fully comprehended at the time.

My life in the next while is going to change greatly without Dexter there by my side to help me to make the choices that I ultimately need to make to get me through this life. I have to find the wisdom from all the people in my life that have helped me to understand these hard life lessons and muscle up the strength to move on without hesitation.
I now have to find the strenth to open my wings wide and fly, knowing all the while that my heavenly father will be there to put wind beneath them.

Rain...

You know, sometimes in life it rains. Sometimes it snows, sometimes it hails, and sometimes it feels like it is doing all that at the same time. This very moment in my life, it feels like the latter.
As I watch the fresh fruit rott and the fresh vegetables rott, I am reminded daily about how there is constant change in life. Things are planted, they grow, they bloom, they bare fruit and then they die. Most of us hang on for dear life hoping to get every possible thing out of what we are given but sometimes we have to let go and watch as the thing we love so much dies. This is one of the hardest things in life to see happen but alas we all have free agency and life has to go on with or without us. Reminds me of a joke I have always told about the old witches hat at our old elementary school. The theme was to push, pump, or get off.
Life is so much like that. We all have to be willing to put in alot of work to either push or pump, or the ride will stop and we have to simply get off. As much as some of us want to stay on that ride and make it last for all eternity, others have places to go, people to see and other things they want to occupy their time so the ride stops and some get off.
After the darkest night, there is always a new day. We are blessed that Heavenly father always gives us a new day after one of those dark rainy nights. Each day is a new day to make different choices and make anew those things we chose to do wrong the days before. The blessings of the atonement have never been so apparent to me in my whole life as they are right now. We can't make other people do what we want them to do because that would be taking their free agency away from them and that was Satans plan, so we have to march to the beat of a new drum and find out where we fit into this new world that we have been handed.
Brent (my neighbor, who is also Joe's dad)is a wonderful man. He has done some stuff in his life that he regrets terribly. He was a shoulder to cry on yesterday in church by myself and a hand to hold for a minute since mine have been so empty for a week now. He came over and gave me a statement, that he says was his saving grace and what probably ultimately brought him back to this gospel.

Elder Orson F. Whitney said:
"The prophet Joseph Smith declared--and he never taught more comforting doctrine--that the eternal sealings of faithful parents (or a wife and family)and the divine promises made to them for valiant service in the cause of truth, would save not only themselves, but likewise their posterity. Though some of the sheep may wander, the eye of the shepherd is upon them, and sooner or later they will feel the tentacles of Divine Providence reaching out after them and drawing them back to the fold. Either in this life or the life to come, they will return. They will have to pay their debt to justice; they will suffer for their sins; and may tread a thorny path; but if it leads them at last, like the pentitent prodigal, to a loving and forgiving father's heart and home, the painful experience will not have been in vain. pray for the careless and disobedient children; hold on to them with your faith. Hope on, trust on, till you see the salvation of God."

I just want to thank everyone for their prayers, their fasting, their thoughts and caring. I have felt it and am buoyed up by it each day as I rise and prepare myself for the new day.
I know my Savior lives. I know he knows me personally and has a plan for me and for my family. I know I have never walked this journey called life by myself and that I have to give him all the credit for making it this far. I have always thought the footprints poem was one of the most beautiful poems ever created and in no other time in my life have I felt so close to it as I do now.
Please don't stop praying, we can still use all the prayers that are being offered up on our behalf. Know that my family and I are so grateful for everything and know we are loved and thought of often. We love you all so much.

Easter at the Cranes...

We had a great ham with augratin potatoes dinner to start off with then we decorated easter eggs, (those of us that wanted to. Some did and some didn't and that's ok too) then we decorated sugar cookies. Megans boyfriend Tony was really sick with strep, but he played along like a trooper. They are leaving to go sell alarm systems in Texas and Alabama for the summer today. We are going to miss them but look forward to all theirs tales when they get back.

Our 25th Anniversary...

Can hardly believe it has been 25 years already. Dexter had friday before our anniversary off, so we decided to celebrate it then since he has been so very busy at work. We first ran a couple of errands, then went to catch an early movie. We went and saw "source code". It was really good.


After we saw the movie, we went to eat at Marie Calendars. It was pretty good and because it was our anniversary, we got free slices of pie.


P.S. Happiness is being married to your best friend for eternity!!!

3 packages in less than a week. Is that too much?...

I had some bananas that needed to be used up and recieved Haydens MP3 player that I needed to send him. Is there a rule about how many packages that you can send your missionary in a week? I sure hope not.

All ready to go to UPS tomorrow.

MTC, here we come...

We took everyone that could go with us out to lunch. We asked Hayden where he wanted to go and he chose Cafe Rio, so we went there before we headed to Provo to the MTC.


We were able to take Dexter, myself, Skyler, Veronica, Joe, Megan and Tony, and Taylor.


We decided to go walk around the Provo temple before we went to the MTC and there were so many missionaries and their families taking pictures and just waiting like we were. It was crazy.





It was such a great experience to drive up there and see all the missionaries ready to greet us all. It was a teary goodbye but worth all we have gone through with him to get to this point. Hoping this 2 years fly by.

Conference day and brunch...

Conference brunch. We always have such great spread. If you go away from here hungry, it's your own dang fault.
Conference was so great to watch. I think I enjoyed every single talk and this year I really listened to both days, but dvr'd it just in case.


Skyler doing what Skyler does best, goofing around.


Chan's last visit before Hayden leaves. Love that girl.


Hayden and Chan's farewell moments. Going to be a fast 2 years right?

taking advatage of the last couple weeks with his brother...

The weather was so nice today so the boys decided to go out and shoot a few hoops. So glad they get along so well.

Cookies Hayden style...

I made the dough, and Hayden was in charge of making the cookies. Most of them he made normal size, but a few of them, he took extra pride in (for Chan) and chopped up M&M's to put inside them and on the outside of them. He kept going around telling everyone that he could take them to disneyland and sell them for lots of money. Funny funny kid.

Haydens farewell weekend...

Haydens farewell went so well. On saturday, we invited a bunch of family members to come and go to the temple one last time with Hayden before he leaves to go on his mission. We had a fabulous turn out. After we all met at our house to have soup and bread. What a fantastic day. On sunday Hayden gave his talk on "honoring thy father and thy mother" and it was so great. We had such a great turn out and want to thank everyone for their support. We are so blessed to have such a wonderful family to support us in the good times and the bad.

Happiness is...

Today I will be happy. I will be happy because even though everything in my life isn't all roses and pink fluffy cotton candy, there is joy to be had in the other stuff. I was able this past week to go and do sealings with Hayden and just the next night, go with him and my husband to do an endowment session. Such a great blessing to be able to do that and to know that there are so many more days to come of such great blessings. To be able to go teach my little beehive girls such a wonderful lesson about family unity and know that I am one of the luckiest people in the world to know that so many people in my family love me for who I am despite myself. To have the opportunity to have a son going on a mission and know that even though this will be such a long 2 years, it is the Lords will. I am so lucky to know my Heavenly Father personally and feel that I can call on him any and all times in my life and know that he is there for me always. I am so lucky to know that even though everything in my life doesn't always go how i want or plan, that things will be ok in the end and that all I have to do is have faith. I am so happy that I can live in a place that has all 4 seasons so that I can know the beauty not just of flowers and fresh vegetables but of the beauty of snow coming down on a calm winters night. I am so happy to know that even though sometimes the nights can be so dark that there is a new day only a few hours away to bring new light and hope. I have so many things to be thankful for that I have to be happy.

My baby girl turns 21.....

Meg turned 21 this past Tuesday, so we celebrated her birthday on Sunday. She wanted everything Shrimp to eat, so we had shrimp scampi, coconut shrimp, panko breaded shrimp, and regular shrimp on ice. We also had cheesy mashed potatoes and these special garlic seasoned rolls I make. She also requested that I make sprinkle stuffed cupcakes. It was alot of work, but well worth it, everything turned out awesome. Can't believe how fast my family is growing up on me. I love it though.

Such a great day....

On Saturday, we went to the Oquirh Mountain Temple so Hayden could take out his endowments. It was a wonderful day with alot of wonderful people. We had a very special experience and look forward to many more such experiences with our family. I think these kinds of days are the best days in a parents life and make everything that you go through raising your kids worth it. We are looking forward to his farewell that is on March 27th.

Our best bites...

So, story time. I don't watch a whole lot of television. With that being said, I do watch alot of hulu on my computer, so don't think I don't get my share, anyway. I guess these 2 girls have been on the local news alot about this new cookbook that they have made. I Didn't know anything about it. For those of you who may not know, I love to cook!!! Duh, right? Anyway. I am always looking around for new and great recipes that have come out and I am the owner of alot of cook books that don't even get opened anymore because several years ago my husband compiled all my recipes into one big binder for me. Well, that binder has been ripped and recipes are any which way in it. So when I was on my every other weekly trip to costco, I saw this big display for this new cookbook. I thought to myself, i'll play. So I opened it and went through some of the recipes and was amazed at how wonderful they were. To me, nothing is better than a ward or stake cookbook because they are tried and true recipes. This one was even better than that. I swear, it is "THE" best cook book I have ever seen, hands down. Anyway, it wasn't until I shut it to the cover that I saw that it was written by 2 mormon moms just trying to feed their family and do it well. I was instantly hooked and knew I was buying it. My daughter-in-law Veronica loves recipe books almost as much as I do but is tired of the same, (her words not mine) boring caserole recipes that they offer. I told her to look through this one when she came over. She kept telling me that she was going to plan "MY" menu for Sunday dinner and have me make it all. Anyway, she got up to leave and said, "I am taking this K." I said, ya, no. She tried to literally sneak out the door with it, what a tease she is. Anyway, I know this was quite a long story just to tell you how much I love this cook book, but I do. They also have a blog that they have had since like '08 and all their recipes are on it. It's www.ourbestbites.com. It is fabulous as well, check it out. Get the recipe book if you love them like me, you won't regret it, it's only like $15.99 at Costco. I have also put a thumbnail on my blog to their website because I want to be able to get to it quickly whenever I want.

Hot Chocolate fun...

We made hot chocolate after one of those long cold days after Christmas. I bought special "vanilla" flavored snowmen marshmallows for the hot chocolate. I don't think they tasted any different than the regular marshmallows though but it was still fun. Chantelle and Hayden had hot chocolate and every time Chan would turn her head, Hayden would put more and more marshmallows in her hot chocolate until it was nothing but marshmallows. That kid, he is pretty crazy sometimes. Oh well, enjoy him because he is going to be leaving for 2 years verys shortly and we will miss all of his antics.